So I started my healthy living/weight loss program at the end of last May. By August I had lost 28 lbs and was proclaiming to the world that I finally “got it”, that I was continuing beyond my usual three-months marker where I had always given up in the past. Well, I was wrong. I did EXACTLY the same thing I have always done: lost between 25-30 lbs and started to feel better about myself and then used whatever excuse came my way (in this instance a vacation followed by a new job and moving plans) to throw all caution to the wind and returned to my old habit of comfort eating my way through all the emotional stress that was triggered by the changes. And then of course we had to REALLY stir things up and decided to quit our jobs and move back to the US this year!
And I will be honest, I felt defeated. By my familiar resistance and ensuing lack of commitment. And by the 12 lbs that I had put back on. That’s when Perspephone announced her Fall Harvest Cleanse and I thought to myself: I need to do this. Her cleanse successfully kickstarted my program in the spring, maybe it could get me back on track now before I regained every single pound I had lost. In all fairness, I have no grand notions of completely restarting my program because, frankly, there is so much going on right now that my head just isn’t able to focus on that, too. But the cleanse seemed doable, a 10-day guided program that I was familiar with.
I am happy to say that on day 6 I am still going with it! The first couple of days were tough and hampered by headaches and bad sleep. But I stuck with my cleanse foods like a stubborn ox. What also helps a lot are Persephone’s daily emails, it’s like she is reading my mind and gently bringing me back from the ledge of giving up. She does that every single morning. The spring cleanse felt a lot easier and I kind of sailed through that one (very unexpectedly so) and lost 10 lbs and felt great. This time round it feels much harder and my body also seems to be resisting it more. Alas, I lost 4 lbs so far, my stomach feels a lot happier (no more heartburn and such) and my energy is also slowly improving.
As I am writing this it occurs to me that THIS is definitely different. I have fallen off weight loss programs before but never tried to refocus again so soon after. And amidst viable chaos too, like, say, a major relocation! The diet monster is crying out as she reads this because, you know, let’s not tempt fate. Let’s worry about what will happen after the cleanse! Let’s not get carried away with a little bit of good eating when there is so much stress going on!
She is right. I do worry about all of that. But then I read these words that Persephone sent with yesterday’s email and something viably clicked inside:
“Your degree of resistance around something will be proportional to the amount of power waiting for you on the other side of that resistance.”
~ Barbara Stanny
I have experienced this power. On an off over the years. More off to be truthful but still, I KNOW what it feels like. These words keep me going. I am still very interested in the ‘other side’. Very.
In other news I am making progress with the relocation. The movers are booked, as are our flights to Vancouver in December. First class!! My husband’s crazy traveling over recent years is paying off and we were completely chuffed when we discovered that he had enough points on Lufthansa to land us in our new life in style. Makes me almost look forward to the flight now! It will be a very different kind of arrival to when we moved to Germany in 2012 which was one of the most uncomfortable flights I’ve ever been on and then me, my mother, the cat and my bicycle got kicked off the train from Frankfurt to Cologne! Ah well, I guess it makes a good story now :) The little red bug is also booked to be shipped from the UK to Seattle via the Panama Canal. This car has travelled more than most of us! The cat, too, coming to think of it. Thankfully he is a very good little traveler, never complains and just kind of resigns himself to whatever is going on. As long as we are with him he always seems to be ok. We also booked our trip to Cologne where we will spend Christmas before we fly to Vancouver. We don’t have a place in Bellingham yet and will stay with friends in Canada until we do. I haven’t started sorting through our stuff yet, there is a lot I want to get rid off and I see a car boot sale and many trips to the charity shop on the horizon. In addition to all of this I have also been designing a new website for my friend Maddie, who runs an amazing art studio in Vancouver. This is work that I actually really enjoy and I will share the result with you once it’s ready to go live.
Amidst all this craziness and uncertainty (regarding our jobs, finances and accommodation) I am feeling a sense of peace that I haven’t felt in so long. And even though the potential for stress is considerable I feel more excited than stressed. This old gipsy heart still beats strong in the sea of change :)