Things have undoubtedly become busy around here. The new job is demanding a lot of my focus and energy, there is just so much to learn and I sometimes wonder if I am getting too old for being a beginner over and over again. Sure, I have a lot of relevant experience but what requires, for instance, a two-year apprenticeship in somewhere like Germany I am trying to get my head around in just a few weeks. I have always been a fast learner and I promised them that I could do it! So I am feeling a lot of pressure. Last week I also went on a two-day business trip to Frankfurt and Dusseldorf to meet our new clients there. Getting on a plane so soon again was a bit unexpected but it all went well. They were short and pleasant flights and I did not feel as nervous as I did when we flew to Vancouver in August. I also got to see my mother in Cologne which is only about 40 minutes away from Dusseldorf so that was a lovely perk of the trip.
We are also having more visitors, this weekend an old friend of mine came over from Germany and on Wednesday my husband’s brother is visiting from Connecticut. He is staying for 10 days and immediately followed by another friend of mine from Cologne who is bringing her two young children. We should call our house Hotel Martin! Having visitors does interrupt our routine but we do enjoy spending time with our friends and family while also offering them a comfortable place to stay. This may all change once we move, IF we move. Because all of that is still up in the air. Sigh.
After pulling out of the first apartment we were just about to put down the deposit on another place that we really liked when the landlord changed her mind and went with another candidate who offered more money and could move sooner. This all went down last Friday and we were pretty gutted as in our mind it was a done deal. And the weird thing is that I had had such a strong feeling about this particular apartment. We had already viewed it some weeks ago but my husband wasn’t so keen at the time and we kept looking at other places. However, when nothing else felt quite right we revisited the apartment and this time my husband warmed to it and could see what I saw: a small but cosy flat in good condition with a layout that worked for us and in the perfect location. And all of this at a great price that we had negotiated and that would allow us to save a lot of money. And like I said, I had a strong feeling about this place from the beginning, like I knew that this was where we would end up. So the landlord’s (understandable) change of mind was very disappointing to say the least.
So we spent the weekend rethinking our strategy. And we are throwing a few more cards up into the air and at this point I have no idea where they will land. For now we decided to stay in the house, at least through the Christmas holidays. We will keep crunching the numbers and looking at ALL the options. Some of which are pretty far out there but hey, that’s what we do.
In the meantime I am also taking a long hard look at my weight loss program and the rabbit hole I have allowed myself to fall into. Stress is clearly a big factor but I am also realising that there are different kinds of stress that each represent their own challenges. When I was facing my anxieties over lots of medical appointments during the summer my program became somewhat of my anchor through it all. And I keep asking myself why I was able to do it then but not now? One big difference is that right now I am not just dealing with emotional stress (new job, moving, financial uncertainty) but also time challenges. Healthy living, for me, is still a fairly time consuming project and between the job and planning a move there just isn’t a lot of time or energy left for meal planning, shopping, cooking, cleaning and exercising. Oh, I know. This just sounds like a big old excuse. If loosing weight was that important to me then would find the time, right??
Well, yes. Right. Absolutely right actually. If something is important enough to us we WILL make it a priority and find the time. That is a fact. Life can be very stressful and many of us are dealing with STUFF. Lots of stuff. And many of us, including myself, are using that as an excuse to not do the work that is required to make the changes we say we want to make. Because, for most of us who want to loose weight and live healthier, it IS work, at least in the beginning. Every person I know, online and offline, who has successfully lost lots of weight and kept it off, has done so by STOPPING THE EXCUSES AND DOING IT NO MATTER WHAT.
So I am looking at some very hard questions and answers. And I also keep asking myself: “What do I need right now to get me back on track? Is it emotional support or practical advice or what? If I was participating in someone else’s program what would I like them to offer me, how could they help me through this?” I don’t know of any such program but I know that these are the kind of questions I need to ask. As well as this one: How badly do I want this?
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again
and expecting different results.
— Albert Einstein
Well, I have a day off because my friend was still here this morning and I just dropped her off at the airport. It is raining and after a gorgeous summer-like week it is feeling very autumnal today. So I think I will put on some music and do a bit of house cleaning because it needs it! Tell me though, if you’ve fallen into the rabbit hole during your program, how exactly did you get out of it? What did you do on a practical level, how did you manage your time and your emotions?